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Hottest Mother’s Day Presents

by Meredith Moss
mother's day

Now that you live in Luxembourg, you should know that the second Sunday in June is the day dedicated to baby mommas. In 2019, the date falls on June 9th….as in THIS Sunday.

Apparently, in America, Mother’s Day was created by Anna Jarvis in 1908 and became an official U.S. holiday in 1914. Jarvis then basically changed her mind and would later denounce the holiday’s commercialisation and spent the latter part of her life trying to banish it from the calendar. This is a lady who didn’t put it softly: ‘A printed card means nothing except that you are too lazy to write to the woman who has done more for you than anyone in the world. And candy! You take a box to Mother—and then eat most of it yourself. A pretty sentiment.’ Luckily, she wasn’t successful in the eradication and mums who get a good lie in everywhere and thrilled she failed.

The idea of a day set aside to honour mommas seems to have trended in many different parts of the world at the same time, around the turn of the twentieth century.

We came up with what we think are the perfect gifts for every mother out there…just in case Dad drops the ball.

Between running to catch business flights in heels, and ironing your shirts, your mom simply doesn’t have the recovery time for a nose job. Let’s fact it- mom has never liked her nose much. How about a nose straightener? She will be reminded of your love for her every time she inserts this gadgetry up her proboscis.

Fit bit

Is there anything more thoughtful than giving your lady an apparatus that will count her steps for her? She sits around too much when she isn’t taking one kid to the shrink for excessive bed wetting between trips to the orthodontist in order to save the other kid from looking like a Luxembourgish beaver. Let’s face it, she really doesn’t do enough to keep track of her erratic menstrual cycle and when she last meditated…so get her something that tells her she needs to move more.

The Egg Cuber

Now here is a gadget that every mom has been dying to have. Round eggs? So old fashioned. Mom will love jumping into the future.

Prep Solutions by Progressive Microwave S’mores Maker

Now THIS is innovative design aka the marriage saver. Your wife wants S’mores 24/7 but just cannot work out how to make them so buy her a s’mores maker! She definitely won’t have to clean the microwave after this bad boy explodes.

The Human Pet House

For the mom who just wants to lick her own body clean rather than shower. Who says moms like actual hygiene, anyway?

The Clapper

For the mom with Photosensitive epilepsy. This gift will be especially fun with kids as there will be no more arguing about who has to turn out the lights, instead it means nonstop fun. All night, all day- your home will become a schizophrenic fun house. Nothing is more relaxing than blinking lights. Nothing.

Don’t give your mom something she wants, like a day of silence where she can read, binge watch a series or simply stare at the wall and wonder how her life ended up this way- give her something YOU want her to have this Mother’s Day. P.S. Don’t forget the STEP-MOTHERS! Also, the Mother-in-laws. They all deserve to be honoured…in your own special way.

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